The Silver Life - Online community and resource for active Silver Surfers

Online Community & Resource for Active Silver Surfers

The Silver Life

Online Community & Resource for Active Silver Surfers

When Saying “How Are You Doing” Isn’t Enough

A Real GiftA Real Gift

Grief is a very difficult word to explain… the why, is because each of us has felt grief in some specific way, but when we try to explain it to others, we realize that it is personal to us…different, yet the same.

After several years of practicing elder law and dealing with families, the word that aptly seems to define grief, is the feeling of being “alone”. We can be in a room full of people laughing and talking, and yet, we can still feel alone.

I have been asked by clients and friends how can we help someone who feels this way….their husband or wife has passed, their partner in marriage has decided they want a divorce, and the common element is that feeling of being alone.

My simple answer is this, we need to walk the talk. Is this too trite or simplistic an answer? What do you mean by this?

Calling your friend on the phone, and “checking” in with them, not just once in a while, but maybe 2 or 3 times a week.

Telling your friend that you would like to come over and visit, bringing over something that your friend might enjoy…asking your friend to come over to your house for lunch or coffee…. Simply, just listening to them and maybe saying at the end, “remember I love you”.

If we can picture in our own mind what this feeling of being alone does to us, then we can visualize what actions would make this feeling, loosen its grip, and maybe help others.

There are dozens of books that talk about grief, especially when a loved has passed, and knowing that this is a passage, normal and necessary. What the books don’t say is that if we can “accompany” someone through this process be a part of this process, then this daunting feeling of being alone, loses its power. Would we not welcome this when grief comes our way?

Take it for what it is…’s just as I see it.

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About the Author: Leonard F. Baer

Leonard Baer's practice focuses on Elder Law, and Estate Planning. His previous experience was in the area of complex criminal litigation, serving as Deputy Chief of the Major Crimes Division for The United States Attorney’s Office in the Southern District of Florida. Mr. Baer was recognized by the Office of The Attorney General, as one of the top prosecutors in the country during his tenure. He has been included in North Carolina Top Rated Lawyers, a distinction awarded to those lawyers recognized by their colleagues as leaders in their field. He has also been recognized by the Florida Bar, for his efforts in representing seniors and their families, who are victims of scams and fraud. Mr. Baer is an AV rated lawyer listed in Martindale-Hubbell, and has been selected for inclusion in their Bar Registrar of Preeminent Lawyers, which for over 90 years, includes only those select law practices that have earned their highest rating. He has been designated by Martindale-Hubbell as preeminent in his field, and in the top 5% of all lawyers practicing in the United States. Mr. Baer has also been ranked by AVVO, an online Legal Directory of over 200,000 lawyers nationally, as Superb, their highest rating. He served as adjunct professor of Sports Law at The University of Miami, and is a frequent lecturer on the topics of Elder Law, Estate Planning, Asset Protection and Fraud Protection. He has been a columnist for several newspapers for over 13 years and currently has a nationally syndicated blog, “As I See It” with a readership of over 25,000. Leonard is a Guest Contributor of The Silver Life and has recently launched a new service called SuddenlySolo1 -

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