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Online Community & Resource for Active Silver Surfers

The Silver Life

Online Community & Resource for Active Silver Surfers

A Real Gift

WHEN SAYING, “HOW ARE YOUR DOING?” ISN’T ENOUGHWhen Saying "How Are You Doing" Isn't Enough

How often do we use the phrase, “to move on”? It seems that the piece of advice is the handy way to tell people how they should react from trauma.

This phrase gets us out of the pregnant pause in a conversation when speaking to someone, who has recently lost a loved one.

Maybe we can move on from losing a job, losing money, or simply doing something stupid, that is not a life changing event…Yes, we can move on from these events, whatever “moving on” really means.

I guess from this, you can guess how I now feel about this trite response. Let’s use it when your son or daughter strikes out in baseball, after a bad date or simply for, a bad hair day.

A client I have been working with for a few weeks after her husband’s passing, made this remark to me…..Why is everyone telling me to move on with my life… do you move on after 40 years of marriage. She further added emphatically, she did not want to hear this again.

I thought about this, because in all honesty, I may have used that same phrase. As we know from all the writings on this subject after a loss, there is a grieving process that takes many forms, but it is a process. Let those who have lost someone just grieve…..give them encouragement, give them support……check in on them, but don’t believe that saying, “move on” is what’s needed, because it is not.

The real change will take place over time. It can take place when the person has become a little better at ease with being alone. It can take place when that person receives phone call from friends and family so that no one feels alone. For my client, she felt a change when the paperwork, the bills and piles of mail were reviewed by us together, and this “clutter” of paper became manageable.

One size does not fit all. Although, none of us want to think about losing a loved one, we know this door will eventually open, and we will be faced with similar feelings. What would we need in our life at that time, what will help…..When we solve this puzzle for ourselves, we will also know what could help others. Its holiday time….who do you know that could use a phone call or a visit. Maybe that is the real gift of the Magi.

Take It For What It Is, It’s Just As I see It.

By Published On: February 8, 2023Categories: Suddenly Solo0 Comments on A Real GiftTags: , ,

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About the Author: Leonard F. Baer

Leonard Baer's practice focuses on Elder Law, and Estate Planning. His previous experience was in the area of complex criminal litigation, serving as Deputy Chief of the Major Crimes Division for The United States Attorney’s Office in the Southern District of Florida. Mr. Baer was recognized by the Office of The Attorney General, as one of the top prosecutors in the country during his tenure. He has been included in North Carolina Top Rated Lawyers, a distinction awarded to those lawyers recognized by their colleagues as leaders in their field. He has also been recognized by the Florida Bar, for his efforts in representing seniors and their families, who are victims of scams and fraud. Mr. Baer is an AV rated lawyer listed in Martindale-Hubbell, and has been selected for inclusion in their Bar Registrar of Preeminent Lawyers, which for over 90 years, includes only those select law practices that have earned their highest rating. He has been designated by Martindale-Hubbell as preeminent in his field, and in the top 5% of all lawyers practicing in the United States. Mr. Baer has also been ranked by AVVO, an online Legal Directory of over 200,000 lawyers nationally, as Superb, their highest rating. He served as adjunct professor of Sports Law at The University of Miami, and is a frequent lecturer on the topics of Elder Law, Estate Planning, Asset Protection and Fraud Protection. He has been a columnist for several newspapers for over 13 years and currently has a nationally syndicated blog, “As I See It” with a readership of over 25,000. Leonard is a Guest Contributor of The Silver Life and has recently launched a new service called SuddenlySolo1 -

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